I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
