I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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