The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
