This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
