He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
