Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
