I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
