So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
