I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Panties = found
Randomize
