I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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