I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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