I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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