i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
