She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
