Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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