I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize