So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
