the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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