I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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