I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
