so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm really busy with my period
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