I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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