Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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