My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
