omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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