Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
