i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
