i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
