i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize