Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
