I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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