Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
