Well apparently he's into motor boating.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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