You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
