new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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