dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
