our cab driver is having phone sex.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
