Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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