Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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