Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
