wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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