dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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