I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
