like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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