garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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