Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize