We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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