I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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