I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
