im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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