Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
a search helicopter?!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
