she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
