Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
