i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I AM VODKA MAN
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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