The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
