I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
