It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
