Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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