i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
