i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
