So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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