Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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