nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
