i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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