Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
