it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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