They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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