it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
