he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize