please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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