I could make wine with my vomit
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
