How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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