let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
