she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
