i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
