It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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