i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Who did Billy Mays play for?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
