I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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