I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
