There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
