Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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