So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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