I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize