The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
