I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
