Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
