I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
