Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
