So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
