I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
