Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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