I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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