Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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