I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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