If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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